Power is the first step into anything. Press the red button and go.
I’m gonna stop. You come into a new decade all positive and shit, but it’s not even February yet, and I’ve had enough. By the looks of it, a lot of other people have too. There’s just this negative overtone. It’s the first feeling for everything. Negativity arrives at the party before everybody else. Look at your Facebook feed. Most people seem unhappy. A lot of them have a right to be. I gotta make sure that I always remember that I’m not one of them. I don’t have a right to be unhappy.
Nobody wants to hear that. I don’t wanna hear that. I’ve got family members passing away at too high of a rate. I’ve been on trial for the last three years, and I’m mad inside, no matter how much I try to hide it. I didn’t lose. I didn’t win in my book. I should be happy things didn’t go worse. So I shouldn’t be mad as fuck that some evil, miserable person had me in the position in the first place? If it’s eating at you, it’s eating at you. I have to do something about it. I need to find some of that power somewhere. I gotta gas-up.
Kobe Bryant is my favorite athlete of all time. Any sport. Of every person I’ve ever met, he was the one I was indeed in awe of. He was a Laker. He was the youngest one I’d ever seen. He was the first Laker that was younger than me get it? Before Kobe, I always looked at the Lakers as older men. Magic and Worthy were way older than me. Even Byron Scott was. But Kobe was in my generation. He had a different effect on me. Now he’s dead. It’s an awful, painful, disheartening effect.
I got that Pac feeling… that Prince feeling. But Kobe was younger than them. Kobe was younger than me.
I’m sad. I’m low on power. I’ve spoken about the reset button, but at this point, I need to break out the paper clip, unfold it, and press the little button with the arrow on the side. I need to hit power, leave it off for a while, and then hit it again. You know when you’re tired of everything? When enough is enough? I need a hard reset. I’ve been given powerful gifts, and there is a purpose for them, regardless of my propensity to forget that. These gifts need to be administered with some power.
I remember when I found my power. I was on a serious fucking adventure. Everything that I wanted to try was kind of culminating at the time. I didn’t know what was next. I had an iPod in reach at all times. I loved it, but I knew it was a gift and a curse. I knew it would be my undoing soon. The clock was ticking, I had done well, and I made mistakes. Soon I would have to figure it all out again.
I was determined. I was strong. I was at peace. I was in India.
I learned some things from some special people. I felt like the guy from the Avatar movie. I learned the power of meditation. I learned how to stay in balance and never be too far up or down. More than anything, I learned how to process things. How can you still be happy through the trials and tribulations that will definitely come? I learned how to release control of the things I couldn’t control, as silly as that sounds. Power was in releasing the weight of stress. I was afforded the opportunity to be great. I got to a point, but I felt like there was supposed to be more.
At least it was in my head.
The application came just outside of the grounds of where I was staying. I was in India to film a movie where I was like this martial arts dude, flying through trees and shit. We were staying in a palace where I had a wing to myself. It was gorgeous. Just over the wall was the worst poverty I’d ever seen. As the film shoot began to bleed into the village of Bikaner, I started to realize some things about life. We live in a bubble. The worst days of my life contained the bare necessities. There had never been a day where I didn’t have enough food.
I had a real floor and roof in my house. These people did not.
We shot for 3 hours one day. I remember a woman standing in line at the well when we pulled up and leaving the well when we left. It was so hot. The pump faucet was covered in flies. The thirst was real for every organism. Yet I had a cooler full of Evian shipped to me from France. I started giving away water.
Wanna hear something crazy? They were more interested in the bottles to carry the dirty water than they were about fresh, clean bottled Evian. Why? It allowed them to bring more water home to their families. For some of them, this simple need took hours out of the day. It took hours to find some filthy water for their families.
I needed to look at this life differently.
I did for a while. Things within my personal life and family began to unravel. The music business and the ownership model that I had learned were now going to shit. That iPod that I mentioned earlier made my intellectual property, which I had fought so hard to own, a lot less valuable than it had ever been. A rough patch was coming. I believe that the trip got me ready for the pause. I’ve been in it. It hasn’t been easy, but it could be so much worse.
I have to be reminded. It’s a shame, but I’m human, and for whatever reason, I still have to be reminded.
On a day like today, I’m happy I’m headed back to India. This is perfect timing for me. Trisha is going to document an adoption, and she needs some help filming. She asked me to do it because she believes I can. I thought she was joking. I’m not a photographer. I haven’t studied how to shoot or make videos. She’s a BEAST at it as you guys all know.
She’s asked ME to run the second camera. I’ve watched her do it, and I just press the same buttons I’ve watched her press. I look at the photos that I’ve shot in a short amount of time. I’m like, “Is this good?” I never really know until I get her response. That’s because I have no clue what I’m doing…
I’m gonna do it anyway. There’s Power in stepping out on faith and doing something for the good of life.
I’m going off to the other side of the world again. I’ve lost some power, and it’s time for me to charge the old battery. I’ve never been the give up type, but I have pushed on without the power needed to succeed. That’s a hamster wheel, and I’m tired of it. I’m intelligent enough. I’m strong enough. I’m gifted enough. Above all, I’m a child of the King. I can do all things. I am not finished, and neither are you. We have a full life to live and a world to change. I’m gonna get a full dose of power this week and come back recharged just in time for the 49ers to win the Super Bowl.
I don’t know what happens next, but I know that right now, it’s on me. A championship looks far away. Resistance is down, and it doesn’t look like I have the tools to win…
But I’m saying to my sister, my mom and dad, and my children, extended family, my fans, friends, and everybody that has ever said a prayer for me…
I’m going out here to score 81 points. We’re gonna win this game.
See you when I get back. I’ll have that power. Everything will be different.
Rest in peace Kobe Bean Bryant. I’m gonna miss you. Thank you for leaving us so much power
New Power New Power New Power New Power New Power New Power New Power New Power
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